I wanted to write this post only to express how much it hurts me to hear some things from people that I know don't speak badly, but leave me sleepless mulling over the situation and reliving certain moments.
I ask you to not wish me luck, but not to feel sorry for me. I know the comments I hear are by no means malicious or intended to hurt me. Maybe it's just because they are unaware of what has happened.
I just wanted to say that I am in peace with everything that has happened to me. I wish to say that I don't know if I will ever go back to being the person I was physically, but that depending on my effort and dedication I will. However if I can't, I'll be happy the same or even more. And when I say that, I don't mean to being the Gabriela that I was for over 4 and a half ago... maybe I won't have her motor skills, her memory, but for sure a much more mature, conscious and human Gabriela. A Gabriela who no longer sees many things the same way. A Gabriela that believes much more in herself and in other people. A Gabriela who knows that her happiness should not depend on others, but only on herself. Whatever comes from other people should only add, but that on the inside she already is happy.
I hope that after reading this post you rethink about how willing you were to help a struggling person, if you used any expression that might have hurt their feelings and if you’ve asked if it was the correct term to use and if not, you’ve changed your way of treating whoever it was. People who have asked me naively, “But will you stay like this forever?” Well I don't know yet but one thing I do know is that from where I have been to where I am today, there were so many victories, a complete transformation. I may not walk with the “excellence” I used to. If there is such "excellence". But after the 4 years of recovery that I have lived, I like Gabriela more today than the one that night four years ago. The values I’ve learned to have. The pride to have something because you fought for it, you’ve sweat, you repeated it more than 30 times, you’ve fallen, you got up, and you will continue to fight for it until you reach what many people believed would be your maximum and then you’ve exceeded the maximum and kept on fighting.
Anyone who sees me from a distance sees “that girl who walks weirdly, pulling her leg,” they ask me, “if I shouldn't be walking with crutches” to help me” and even questioning me, and I know not wishing my bad, “If I will I’ll be like this forever?”
Today, thank God, I know that all I have achieved was through my effort and due to the help of the people who love me and I know that my happiness depends on it as well. If I will come to such "perfection", if it even exists, I will find out as I write this story, but Gabriela has learned that her happiness should only depend on herself and loved ones. Gabriela has surrounded herself with those who add and is being freed from those who subtract and is extremely happy.
Be careful what you say because it may have come out to you as just a joke but it came into others' ears causing a huge damage.
Be careful what you say. Words said do not go back.
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